


don't you know that the kids aren't alright

by pitchblackkoi



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Jacobi is bad at feelings, M/M, Maxwell Lives Because I Said So, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, and is kind of a mess in general
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-21 23:47:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16586633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pitchblackkoi/pseuds/pitchblackkoi
Summary: After everything that happened on the Hephaestus everyone is starting to move forward with their lives. Everyone, that is, except for Daniel Jacobi. He thinks that he can ignore his emotions and history until asked directly about it by local amnesiac Doug Eiffel, who he feels like he can't lie to.





	don't you know that the kids aren't alright

After the Hephaestus, getting back to normal life on Earth is a hell of an adjustment. They all end up gathering at Minkowski’s. It is a fairly nice house, especially when comparing it to the rust bucket that was the Hephaestus. The first night they all end up scattered across the house. Renee ends up in her own bed, finally, with her husband. Doug gets the guest room, just sprawling across the bed and promptly passing out. Isabel sleeps in the couch in Dominik’s office, the best nights rest she has had in years. Daniel and Alana end up falling asleep curled up together on the living room couch.

Dominik, for his part, does not complain about the group of people who have become a family to his wife in the years she was gone crowding their house. Not even when Renee makes it clear that Doug, at the very least, will probably be staying with them for the foreseeable future because of his missing memories. He just asks questions and does his best to accommodate this change in his life, happy to have his wife back.

Isabel makes good on her promise to make Goddard Futuristics pay. She only allows herself a week’s rest before she is off trying to dig up enough dirt to implicate the company, taking a boots on the ground approach. She ends up talking with Renee and Dominik about it, Renee just as eager to get justice for what happened to her and her crew and Dominik ready to follow her on this, as well as uncover what other awful things the company has done. The three end up in this easy routine of research, reconnaissance, and discussion. They often end up gathered in Nik’s office until late into the night, and after a while they all end up retiring to the same bed. Isabel ends up fitting easily into the marriage, after some time and discussion between the trio. After all they have been through they seem happy, though, and that is what really counts.

Alana gets started almost immediately on a system to get Hera connected to the house in a way that is at least somewhat similar to the setup on the Hephaestus. It certainly is not perfect, but it is the best they can do given the lack of resources. Alana scrounges up what she can from her old apartment and what she is able to buy online, but it is a process she is constantly tweaking. Most days she can be found in the basement, talking to Hera through the speaker system that they set up, elbow deep in wires if she is not typing something on her laptop. A bed is set up down there eventually, both for convenience and because it is where there is room in the house.

Doug spends most of his time trying to catch up. While he does listen to his hundreds of audio logs in an attempt to figure out who he was (and is), he also needs to relearn everything about the world. He switches between research on the internet, watching movies and documentaries, and talking to his housemates to relearn social interaction. He is different than he was, less loud and abrasive and more apologetic and unsure. He gains some of his confidence back but it is slow going. He is not the same person he once was and everyone has to cope with the fact that he never will be.

Everyone ends up falling into a fairly easy routine, finding new tasks to take up their time. Everyone, that is, except Daniel. After the end of everything he does not really know _what_ to do with himself. He is the only one who does not live in the house with everyone, taking the money he got over the years from Goddard and never really spent and buying an apartment nearby. Still, he spends plenty of time in the house anyways. Sometimes he goes to the basement to just spend time with Alana, because their snarking banter is something familiar in this alien situation. She usually ends up getting wrapped up in whatever it is she is doing with Hera, though, and leaves him feeling like he is intruding, so he will leave without a word. Alana notices maybe half the time, if that. He tries not to be bitter about it. He usually fails.

It has been about three months since they got back when Daniel is interrupted from staring absentmindedly at some program on the TV by Doug sitting down heavily next to him. He tries to ignore the other man, but when he looks over at him from the corner of his eye Doug is just _staring_ at him. Like he is trying to figure him out through observation alone.

“Can I help you?” Daniel drawls, not looking at the other man.

“What’s your deal?” Doug asks, in a way that is so blunt and inelegant it reminds him of Before.

“Excuse me?” he replies, head whipping around to glare over at the other man.

“Everyone else has found things they want to do and fix. Isabel and Nik are trying to take down Goddard. Alana is tweaking Hera’s code and servers, and they both help out with the Goddard research. Renee is overseeing everything and making sure everyone doesn’t fall apart. But you just kind of… wander around aimlessly. Looking kind of sad,” Doug explains.

Daniel starts to sputter out an angry and indignant response, but he just continues. “I mean, I know what’s wrong with _me_ , what with all of my memories being scrambled and tossed out. I’m pretty much useless to everyone here and I’m not even the person they remember, but that didn’t happen to you.” Doug scrunches his nose at that. “Actually, I don’t really know _what_ happened to you up there.”

“That is none of your business, _Eiffel_ ,” Daniel snaps. The name is spit out like an insult, a deliberate slap to the face, and Doug reacts as such, flinching back with wide eyes.

No one calls each other by their last names anymore and it is a deliberate choice. They are all a ragtag group of survivors, a family for better or for worse. They are the only ones who understand what they all went through. Ranks, calling each other by their last names, all of that extra distance was left Up There. Sure, they may have started out calling each other by their first names because of Doug’s amnesia, but it became something that separated them all from Before. And now Daniel has thrown that in Doug’s face.

Daniel scrubs his face in his hands. “Fuck, I- Sorry. Just. Sorry,” he mumbles.

“No, you’re right. It isn’t my business,” he admits. “I’m just worried about you, I guess. I wanted to help, thought maybe you might want to talk about it.” He laughs sardonically. “I don’t even know if we were friends before. You could have hated me for all I know. I _was_ an asshole. I know that much.”

“I didn’t,” he replies quickly. Doug looks at him quizzically. “Hate you. We were friends, kind of. When we could be.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” the other man asks. He looks genuinely curious, which makes sense. It has only been a few months; the man is still trying to piece together an identity from the scraps he can scavenge together.

“It’s… complicated,” Daniel confesses. “The Colonel, he wanted us to be friendly but not, like, _genuinely_ friendly. We weren’t _supposed_ to like you but you were such a good person. Everyone was going crazy on this station, half-murderous, and you were there cracking jokes and trying to keep shit from boiling over.” He is half-smiling and gesturing with his hands, and then he stops, remembering himself. Remembering what happened. “But then there was the mutiny. And Alana almost died. The Colonel got locked away and so did we. We all ended up working something out but things were… strained.” He stops, thinking. “I think that you were the closest of your crew to being a friend to me.”

Out of the corner of his eye he can see that Doug is just staring at him, mouth open slightly in shock. He stares back, one eyebrow raised in a silent question.

“I- No one is ever that straightforward about what happened,” Doug tells him. “They all dance around everything that happened, _especially_ the bad parts. I’ve only ever been able to piece some of it together through the audio logs and snippets of conversation.”

Daniel shrugs. “It’s your history, too. You deserve to know.”

Doug nods silently, giving him an appraising look that he cannot read for the life of him. That is it for a while, so Daniel goes back to pretending to care what is playing on the TV. All things considered he was not really paying attention before anyways, but he does not need _him_ to know that. That would be embarrassing.

“If you ever want to talk about anything, I’m all ears,” Doug says, breaking the silence. “Or if you just want company or something. I’m here.”

Daniel just nods quietly in response and that is the last either of them say until Nik comes in to tell them dinner is on the table and the quiet comradery of the moment is broken.

 

* * *

 

The thing is that Daniel was not being entirely honest with Doug during that conversation. He and Eiffel were not quite friends, that is true. But there was also this edge of _something else_ that they were both starting to warm up to before the mutiny. It was still there, after, but things were more tense and the stakes were much higher than they had been. By the time things were starting to warm up again all hell broke loose _again_.

They had even kissed, though only one time. It was after there had been some fucking alien clone of him, the one he listened to die out in space. He had been completely freaked out by the entire incident, unsure which one had been the real him. Unsure if he was an alien, an imposter. He ran into Eiffel that night, probably looking like he was on the edge of a panic attack, and the man had talked to him softly and taken him back to his quarters so they could speak more privately. They spoke and Eiffel talked him down and Jacobi just kind of kissed him.

He still does not know if it was because he was grateful or just so tired that what little self-control he had just wore out. It does not matter, though, because Eiffel kissed him back. Enthusiastically. Eiffel told him to get some rest, with the unspoken promise that when they got time they would discuss what had just happened. But they never got the time. And now Doug does not even remember.

And because Doug does not remember that means the only people who know are Daniel and Alana, who he had told not long after it happened. And so because of that, a few weeks after the initial conversation, after Doug’s offer of friendship, Daniel makes his way down to the basement and flops into Alana’s lap.

“Well, _that’s_ dramatic,” she comments, not looking up from where she is typing.

He groans in response.

“Use your words, Daniel,” Alana says dryly.

He shifts so that he is laying on his side. “I’m a moron,” he mumbles.

“Well, we already knew _that_ ,” she replies. “Is there a specific reason you’re bringing this up or did you just feel the need to remind me.”

Daniel mumbles incomprehensibly in response.

“If you want to talk to me you’re going to have to speak up,” Alana tells him. “If not, I _was_ in the middle of something.”

“Just fuckin’ Doug Eiffel and his stupid face,” he grumbles, louder now.

She finally stops typing and places her laptop on the coffee table in front of her. She stares at him.

“What?” he asks irritably, looking at her out of the corner of his eye.

“I cannot believe we are doing this again,” she tells him, a glimmer of amusement in her eyes.

“I can,” Hera pipes up from her speakers.

“Oh, _God_ ,” Daniel says, turning over in an attempt to both smother himself and avoid conversation. The AI had been so quiet he had forgotten she was there.

“Do tell.” He can fucking _hear_ the shit eating grin in Alana’s voice. This was a terrible idea.

“They have been spending a lot of time together in the past couple of weeks,” Hera replies, sounding entirely too pleased with herself. “Daniel was helping Doug go through his movie list. They’ve even been _talking_.”

“Talking or flirting?” Alana asks, now poking him in the shoulder in an attempt to incite a response.

“Oh, _definitely_ flirting,” Hera confirms.

“Who thought installing cameras and microphones around this house for the AI was a good idea?” Daniel wonders aloud, turning over to face the ceiling.

“Oh, it was a great idea,” Alana tells him, grinning down at him widely. “Because now you can’t try to deny your huge crush on one Doug Eiffel. You know, the one you had assured me wouldn’t reemerge because ‘He has amnesia, Alana, come _on_.’”

“I regret our friendship,” he tells her seriously.

“It is far too late to take it back,” she promises. “Anyways, _you_ came to _me_ about this.”

“Yes, and it was a terrible idea,” he groans.

“Well, I think its cute,” Hera says. “Though I am obligated to tell you that if you hurt him in any way I will make your life miserable.”

Daniel looks up pleadingly at his best friend. “Are you going to stop your robot girlfriend from threatening to kill me?” he asks, voice somewhat strained. He is well aware of how willing and able Hera is to deliver on that promise.

“No. If you hurt him you deserve it,” Alana tells him, raising an eyebrow at him.

He rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Yeah, I know,” he grumbles with a sigh. “I don’t actually want to fuck this up, you know. Why else would I be embarrassing myself by talking to you about it?”

“Because you’re a masochist?” she provides unhelpfully.

“That is entirely beside the point,” he replies, pointing a finger into her face.

“Well, what _do_ you plan on doing about it?” she asks, now serious.

“Nothing?” Daniel tries, knowing what the reply will be.

“No. Try again,” she tells him.

“I don’t know. I didn’t think this would happen. Not again,” he whines. “But he’s still so _good_ and he is trying _so hard_. He isn’t the same person but I think I like the person he’s becoming, too? He’s still a huge nerd and tells terrible jokes but he also keeps telling me he wants to help me and that he cares about me and, God, I don’t know what I’m supposed to _do_ with that.”

There is a long pause until he looks up at Alana again. She is giving him a Look.

“What?” he asks.

“You are in _deep_ , Daniel. I don’t even know if you were in this deep before. Or with…” she trails off, but they both know exactly who she means.

“It was different with Kepler,” he insists. “I never deluded myself into thinking that I mattered to him more any more than my usefulness to him. I may have been in love with him anyways, but that was my mistake, one I knew I was making as it happened.” He laughs sardonically. “I’ve never known how to do healthy relationships anyhow.”

“You had better figure it out,” Hera tells him, voice crackling over the speakers.

“I- I know, okay?” Daniel says. He sits up now, rubbing his face in his hands. “I’ve never had someone genuinely care about me like that before. When we were Up There I knew there was no time so I didn’t have to actually try. But we have time now and I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do with it.”

“Look, neither of us are really the poster children for healthy human relationships. That’s why they recruited us for SI-5,” Alana starts. “But now we have a group of people who actually care about how we’re doing. They know we’re trying and they are, too. We’re all messed up. Take this second chance and make something of it.”

“Is this your ‘go for it’ pep talk? Because if it is it kind of sucks,” he tells her with a smirk.

She pushes his shoulder until he falls to the side, laughing. “You came to me for advice, you dick! What do you want from me?”

From there the two fall into a familiar pattern of bickering with each other, like the siblings they never had growing up, with Hera chiming in occasionally. The subject is dropped and Daniel appreciates it. He knows she is giving him the room to make a choice. Though he may not know what he should do, he knows that she will have his back.

 

* * *

 

 

While the conversation with Alana has eased his nerves, it does not actually spur Daniel into action. So he keeps doing what he has been doing. He wanders around Minkowski’s place being entirely unhelpful (meaning bothering the people who were, you know, actually doing something productive with their time until he felt unwelcome and then leaving) until Doug ropes him into a conversation or watching movies and he ends up spending the rest of his day doing that.

The thing about it is that he actually really likes spending time with Doug. Doug does not remember all of the awful shit that he did Up There and he does not have the years of exasperated experience with his bullshit that Alana does. It is honestly a breath of fresh air, talking to someone who is not aware of exactly the sort of things that he is capable of. Someone who may think that he is sort of a sarcastic asshole but also does not think of him as a murderer, the sort of person who is only good at making things that break other things.

Daniel also feels like he is pushing his luck. Surely he cannot maintain this relationship as is. Why would he push to make it something more? That would just make it blow up in his face faster. No thanks. He already has enough scars, physical and emotional.

All of these things are why he is completely taken by surprise when one night Doug puts a hand gently on the side of his face and leans in to kiss him.

“What are you doing?” Daniel blurts out, body rigid and eyes wide.

Doug looks up at him, looking confused until he reads the alarm on his face and gets embarrassed, face flushing in a way he _desperately_ does not want to admit he finds cute. “Oh! I’m so sorry. I just thought that- but obviously you don’t- sorry,” he babbles, moving as far away as the couch will allow him.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to kiss me,” Daniel admits, words as stiff as his posture. “I just don’t understand why you would want to.”

Doug lowers his hands from where they had been covering his face and looks at him like he has grown two heads. “Are you kidding?”

“Uh, no,” he replies.

“Daniel, we have spent the past two months cuddling on this couch and watching movies. While flirting. A lot,” Doug says slowly, like he is a complete moron (which, full disclosure, he is beginning to feel like he is). “Where did you think this was going to go?”

“I don’t know!” he shouts. “I thought that you would figure out that you’re too good for me!”

“How am I too good for you? You are a genuinely good person, Danny Boy. You might be sarcastic and kind of a dick sometimes, but it doesn’t make you a bad person,” the other man tells him.

“I’m a murderer, Doug,” he grits out. “You must have figured that out by now. I have one skill and it’s blowing shit up. And I let some shady ass people use it for their own ends with absolutely no qualms about it. I am _not_ a good person.” 

“Maybe that’s who you were,” Doug admits. “But that is _not_ who you are now. Do you know what I see when I look at you?” Daniel shakes his head. “I see a man who has done a lot of bad shit and feels extremely guilty about it. I see a man who is surrounded by people who remind him of the things he’s done, but who he sticks around because they’re his family now. I see a man who decided to humor an amnesiac and spend time with him. I see a man who will sit and talk to me for hours and makes me laugh like no one else does and doesn’t treat me like some sort of bad copy of the person I used to be. I see a man I might have started to fall in love with.”

Daniel can feel tears beginning to burn at the edges of his vision and blinks rapidly to keep them from falling. “I- shit,” is all he ends up getting out, sounding choked because of the lump in his throat. Doug quickly moves to wrap his arms around him, as warm and comforting as ever. Daniel tucks his face into Doug’s neck, clutching tightly at his shirt.

They sit like that for a long time before he finally gets out, “I think I’m falling in love with you, too. And that scares the shit out of me.”

“That’s okay,” Doug assures him. “We can take this slow. Promise.”

Daniel lifts up his head to look the other man in the eye. “I think I want to kiss you now,” he says quietly.

Doug gives him a slow smile. “Alright.”

He leans in and kisses Daniel, soft and sweet. He does not think he has ever really been kissed like this, like someone is letting him know that everything will be okay. It is like the kiss itself is a promise. And it is just _nice_ and he lets himself be drawn into it, this idea that he can feel what he feels about this man and everything will be okay. That maybe, just this once, he can have something nice and it will not blow up in his face.

They separate and Doug just smiles softly at him and swipes his thumb under his eye to catch- oh. Are those tears?

“Sorry,” Daniel mumbles, scrubbing at his face to get rid of the tears.

Doug just shakes his head softly at him. “You don’t have to be sorry for being emotional,” he assures him.

 “I just,” Daniel starts, frowning. “I really don’t know what I did to deserve this. To deserve _you_.”

“If there is one thing I have learned from losing all of my memories, it’s that you don’t _earn_ the people in your life,” Doug tells him, holding his hands lightly. “They are the ones who decide if they want to stick around you. It isn’t fate or some cosmic force doling out what you’ve earned, it is the people in your life making the choice to stick around you. Whether or not you think you deserve us, we all chose to have you in our lives. We chose you. _I_ chose you.”

“Fuck, would you stop making me cry?” he says, wiping the tears from his face again.

“I don’t know, am I going to have to keep explaining to you that I enjoy having you in my life?” the other man counters.

“No,” he mumbles, rolling his eyes for good measure.

“I don’t believe you, but that’s okay,” Doug says with a fond smile. “I am willing to explain it as many times as it takes.”

Looking into his eyes, Daniel can tell the man absolutely means it. And that, more than anything else in the months since he has been back, gives him hope that things will be better from now on. That maybe, just maybe, he can try to be a better person and have people support him on his way.

**Author's Note:**

> So I started this fic months ago, when I first listened to Wolf 359. I got maybe 800 words in and then stopped. I started relistening to Wolf 359 again recently and got the energy and motivation to finish this. It became way longer that I thought it would and is now the longest thing I have written and published to date and I am incredibly proud of it.  
> The title is from The Kids Aren't Alright by Fall Out Boy, which is a huge post canon song for me.  
> You can find me at pitchblackkoi.tumblr.com if you wanna talk Wolf 359 headcanons. Or any other podcasts for that matter.


End file.
